Relationship Green Flags: 5 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

In the world of relationships, we spend a lot of time talking about "red flags." We look out for narcissism, avoidant behaviors, or toxic communication patterns. While knowing these red flags is important, knowing the "green flags" is equally as important. Otherwise, how will you know if your relationship is solid?

Let’s explore five essential "relationship green flags" that indicate your bond is strong, secure, and built to last.

1. You Prioritize Emotional Safety Above Being "Right"

One of the strongest signs of a healthy relationship is the ability to choose connection over winning an argument.

We have all been there: the heat of the moment rises, and suddenly the conversation isn't about the dishes or the schedule anymore—it’s a courtroom battle where you are trying to prove your partner wrong. In distressed relationships, this need to be "right" often comes from a place of fear. We argue because we are trying to be heard, validated, or understood.

However, in a relationship with high emotional safety, the goal shifts. You begin to realize that winning the argument means losing the partner.

This doesn't mean you simply roll over and agree with everything. Instead, it means you create a safe space where feelings are more important than facts. You might say, "I disagree with how that happened, but I can see that I really hurt your feelings, and that matters to me." When both partners can lower their defenses and show their "raw spots"—their fears and insecurities—without being attacked, true intimacy grows.

2. You Can Navigate Conflict (and Repair It)

There is a common myth that happy couples don't fight. The truth is, conflict is inevitable in any relationship where two people are investing in each other. The difference lies in how you fight.

In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we talk about the "Negative Cycle" or the "Dance." This is the repetitive pattern couples get stuck in—perhaps one partner shuts down (withdraws) to avoid conflict, causing the other partner to get louder or more critical (pursue) in an attempt to get a response. This cycle, not your partner, is the enemy.

One of the key healthy relationship characteristics is the ability to recognize this cycle when it’s happening. Instead of blaming each other ("You’re so cold!" or "You’re so dramatic!"), healthy couples can step back and say, "We are doing that thing again. We are stuck in our cycle."

Even more important than the conflict itself is the repair. Healthy couples might have a messy argument, but they circle back. They apologize, they own their part in the dance, and they reconnect. They don't let the disconnection fester.

3. You Are Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged (A.R.E.)

Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, famously coined the acronym A.R.E. to describe the fundamental components of a secure bond. When we look for secure attachment signs, we are asking three subconscious questions:

• Are you Accessible? Can I reach you? If I call out to you, will you be there, or are you walled off emotionally?

• Are you Responsive? If I share my pain or my joy, will you tune in? Will you comfort me when I’m anxious or celebrate with me when I succeed?

• Are you Engaged? Do you value me and our relationship? Am I special to you?

  
  

In a healthy relationship, the answer to these questions is a consistent "Yes." This doesn't mean you are perfectly attuned 24/7. It means that generally, you turn toward each other’s bids for connection rather than turning away. It’s the simple act of putting down your phone when your partner sighs, or looking them in the eye when they tell you about their day. These small moments of responsiveness build a mountain of trust over time.

4. You Act as a "Secure Base" for Each Other’s Growth

There is a beautiful paradox in attachment theory: the more effectively dependent we are on our partner, the more independent and brave we become in the world.

Think of a child exploring a playground. If they know their parent is watching and waiting (a secure base), they feel safe enough to run off, climb high, and take risks. If they feel unsure where their parent is, they cling anxiously and are afraid to explore.

Adult relationships work the same way. One of the major signs of a healthy relationship is that you support each other’s individual growth. You don't feel threatened when your partner spends time on a hobby, pursues a career goal, or sees friends. Instead, you act as their launching pad. You are the soft place they can land if they fail, which gives them the courage to try.

If you feel like your relationship allows you to be a bigger, bolder version of yourself, that is a massive relationship green flag.

5. You Make Time for Play and "Bonding Moments"

While therapy often focuses on processing heavy emotions and healing past wounds, we cannot overlook the vital importance of joy.

Healthy relationships aren't just about survival or conflict management; they are about thriving. A hallmark of a secure bond is the ability to be playful. Can you laugh together? Do you have inside jokes? Do you carve out time to just enjoy each other’s company without talking about bills, kids, or logistics?

In EFT, we call these "bonding moments." They replenish your emotional bank account. When things get tough—and life ensures they eventually will—having a reservoir of shared joy makes it much easier to weather the storm. If you can be silly together, you are signaling to each other that you are safe, accepted, and loved.

What if We Don't See These Signs of a Healthy Relationship?

If you read through this list and felt a pang of sadness because these signs of a healthy relationship feel missing from your life, please take a deep breath.

These "green flags" are not personality traits that you are either born with or without; they are skills and patterns that can be learned. We are wired for connection. Even if your relationship feels distressed right now, the capacity for a secure bond is there. For more information, including how EFT can help you, click here.

Author Holly Sullivan is a certified EFT therapist practicing in Phoenix, Arizona. She offers both in-person and virtual sessions. She is passionate about being a couples therapist and helping relationships create secure, loving connections.