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  • Holly Sullivan

Is Disclosing Infidelity Recommended?

Updated: Sep 30, 2023


woman with finger over mouth

To tell or not to tell? If you’ve been unfaithful, you may be wondering whether you should disclose the indiscretion to your partner, or keep it to yourself. After all, you don’t want to hurt your partner with the information, nor do you want the news to break up your marriage. At the same time, you recognize that your relationship is negatively affected by not only the betrayal, but by the betrayal of not disclosing. The secret may feel like a ticking time bomb in your marriage. The secret has become an unspoken barrier to building a healthy, resilient and authentic relationship.


While disclosing infidelity is undoubtedly one of the most delicate and difficult conversations to have, it is also one of the most necessary in order to move toward a healthy relationship. Without disclosure, your relationship is like a house built on sand, having no solid foundation. Here, we will discuss reasons to disclose betrayals and how to improve marriage.



1. We Have Nothing Without Trust


Trust is at the cornerstone of any relationship. When an affair occurs, trust is shattered. Choosing to disclose infidelity demonstrates a commitment to honesty and a willingness to repair the damage caused by the betrayal. By disclosing the affair, you are beginning to take responsibility. This transparency and accountability is a vital, first step towards rebuilding the trust that has been lost.


2. Removing the Shadow of Secrecy


Keeping a past affair hidden casts a shadow over the relationship, even if the other partner is unaware of it. Secrets have a way of manifesting as tension, distance, or unexplained emotions. Disclosing the affair lifts the secrecy, allowing both partners to address the issue openly and work towards healing together. Removing the weight of the secret can pave the way for deeper emotional connection and understanding in your relationship.


3. Fostering Communication and Vulnerability


Sharing the truth about a past affair requires vulnerability from both partners. It opens the door to honest conversations about desires, needs, and fears within the relationship. This increased communication can lead to a deeper understanding of each other and emotional connection. You and your partner can begin to make meaning about the affair and begin understanding the blocks in your relationship, causing emotional disconnect between you.


4. Strengthening Resilience and Growth


Working through the aftermath of an affair requires commitment, patience, and a willingness to address uncomfortable truths. By navigating these challenges as a team, couples have the opportunity to grow individually and collectively. The process of rebuilding can lead to a stronger bond and a relationship that is better equipped to handle future obstacles.


5. Avoiding a Potential Revelation


The truth about a past affair often comes to light through unintended means. Discovering the affair from an external source or accidentally stumbling upon evidence is usually more damaging to the relationship, than if disclosed by choice. By taking control of the situation and disclosing the affair voluntarily, you demonstrate respect for your partner and provide them with the opportunity to process the information in a more controlled and supportive environment.


The decision to disclose infidelity to your partner is undoubtedly complex and scary. However, the benefits of transparency, trust restoration, and emotional healing significantly outweighs the discomfort. By choosing to reveal the truth, you are demonstrating your commitment to building a foundation of honesty and openness within your relationship. While the journey towards healing may be challenging, it is a journey that can ultimately lead to a deeper, more resilient, and more authentic connection between you and your partner.


Whether you’re thinking about disclosing infidelity, or you’re in a relationship where you’re worried there’s been betrayal, consider working with a skilled couples therapist to help you and your partner heal. Couples therapy can improve marriage and strengthen the bond between you and your partner.



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